Elon Musk’s Starlink Set to Snatch FAA’s $2.4 Billion Contract from Verizon—Because There is No Need to Pretend Anymore

 By The Bronzer Report, March 6, 2025

Today we at the Bronzer report take a break on POTUS bronzing, and bring you an urgent report from and anonymous guest reporter who is imbedded deeply undercover in the world of Technology.  We still believe it is "better to look good than feel good" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0RTD7250II   But for now, enjoy this mind blowing report from the frontlines...

At this point, corruption isn’t just happening in plain sight—it’s getting a government contract and a shiny SpaceX sticker slapped on it. Fortunately, this is all  for the people's benefit. In the latest episode of America: The Billionaire Edition, the FAA is reportedly considering yanking a $2.4 billion contract from Verizon and handing it to none other than DOGE.  Whoop's, we meant Elon Musk’s Starlink, because when you’re in charge, why wouldn’t you just give your billionaire bestie a massive payday? Spoiler alert! We can rest easy because POTUS has given voters his word that Elon doesn't want to have a conflict of interest, and furthermore, Elon has agreed that he will report any conflicts of interest to the Head of DOGE (whomever that is).

Verizon? Never Heard of Her.

In 2023, Verizon won a 15-year, $2.4 billion deal to upgrade the FAA’s crumbling air traffic control communications system. But here we are, barely two years later, and suddenly the FAA is acting like Verizon never existed, all while Musk slides into the conversation with his signature mix of bravado, barely disguised self-interest, and a fanbase that would drink liquid nitrogen if he told them it was “freeing their molecules from oppression.” (Reuters)

Elon’s Free Sample Gracious Offer

Never one to pass up an opportunity to dunk on a competitor, Musk took to X (formerly Twitter, now a digital cult) to declare that the FAA’s current system is “on the verge of catastrophic failure.” The head of the FAA retorted "If Elon said it, it must be true." And not to make himself look like the savior, Elon confidently added that Starlink terminals are already being deployed ‘at NO COST to the taxpayer on an emergency basis to restore air traffic control connectivity.’ (PCMag)

Classic Trump deal making already learned from "The Art of the Deal": give them a couple of free devices, let them panic, then cash in on a $2.4 billion “solution." It’s the same scam as a drug dealer handing out a few freebies before locking in the lifelong customers. Boy is Elon ever a quick study.

X Users: "I'll have another cup of that delicious Musky grape kool aid"

And, predictably, the Musk-cultish masses on X immediately began posting that Elon is doing the entire thing “for free.” Because obviously, the man who charges $8 for a checkmark, $100 for a Cybertruck waitlist, and once tried to make people pay for air conditioning in their Teslas is undoubtably the Mother Teresa of aeronautical safety.

Meanwhile, those of us barely clinging to reality know that the FAA testing Starlink terminals in Atlantic City and Alaska is just a formality before they hand over the contract. (The Register) They’ll “test” it, claim it works just fine, and act like this wasn’t the plan all along. Fortunately, we know that Musk is a genius whenever we see a Tesla Cyber Truck on the road. 

The Trump-Musk totally no conflict of interest deals begin

Let’s not dance around it: this whole deal would smell worse than Trump’s bronzer-smeared pillowcases if it wasn't for the fact that both Trump and Elon's character are beyond reproach. Why? Because Musk just happens to be one of the most powerful people in Trump’s administration, running the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) in what is easily the most obvious miracle proving that POTUS is chosen by a deity. Only God, and God alone could have brought these two men together to make all Americans rich again.

So now, the government agency he advises is about to award his company a multibillion-dollar contract—but sure, let’s all pretend this is about "efficiency." Meanwhile, Democrats and watchdogs are screaming about corruption louder than a Fox News anchor who just found out oat milk exists. (Payload Space).  What a bunch of ignorant pussies.

At this point, Trump and Musk are basically Pinky and The Brain (under God's protection)—except Pinky is plotting his own return to the White House, and The Brain is just seeing how many government contracts he can collect before the SEC (aka the Deep State) wakes up. Elon has snuck under Trump's umbrella of the Lord's protection and sits at the right hand of Cyrus. 

Welcome to The Fully Operational Project 2025 Billionaire-Industrial Complex

So, let’s recap:

• $2.4 billion government contract? Blessedly shifting to Trump’s biggest donor.
• Regulatory oversight? LOL, who needs it? Trump is emptying the swamp.
• MAGA faithful believing this is being done “for free”? About as reliable as a Tesla autopilot in rush-hour traffic.

At this point, this administration isn’t even trying to hide the corruption because the MAGA faithful rightfully understand that this is "God's will" playing out. Corruption as previously understood, does NOT exist. So handing out contracts to the verifiable Christian Nationalist billionaire’s table while the rest of us watch from the cheap seats, hoping our flights don’t suddenly get rerouted into the ocean because someone’s WiFi went down... is baked into the equation.

This is the America we live in now. Buckle up—because Starlink is about to be in charge of keeping your plane in the sky, not Jehovah.