Note that POTUS needed an extra layer of bronzer for today's meeting with Macron, as Emmanuel is extremely handsome so DJT rightly applied his game face. In the above photo, Macron obviously is in awe of President Trump and is in the sway of his animal magnetism.
An Exquisitely Tanned Trump Criticizes Ukraine’s “Suspicious Lack of Elections” (And Lack of Trump-Owned Mines) and fails to mention that Volodymyr Zelenskyy’s pale skin may be the real problem
Trump applied a level 3 light umber tan on the TUPBR bronzing scale in act of true diplomacy in order to not humiliate Zelenskyy's pasty pallor. And then in a typical master stroke of deal making, calmly went about selling Ukraine’s sovereignty to the highest bidder. Trump also took issue with the country’s supposed lack of democracy—conveniently but rightly ignoring the fact that Ukraine is literally under attack and has been under martial law since the Russian invasion began.
“No elections? That sounds like a dictatorship to me,” Trump declared, apparently unaware that war-torn nations typically don’t prioritize election season while dodging missile strikes. Of course this is obviously POTUS cleverly "playing the fool" and again scattering the befuddled oppositions 3D chess pieces across the board. With nary a hint of arrogance Trump reportedly stated “I had an election during COVID, and some people say it was the best election of all time. Huge ratings. But Zelenskyy? No election. No votes. Just sitting there, making it hard for people like me to make lithium deals.” The MAN does not mince words PTL!
Zelenskyy, perhaps sensing that Trump was trying to turn his presidency into a Shark Tank pitch, responded with measured dignity. “If my stepping down could bring peace and NATO membership, I would consider it,” he said, leaving out the part where Trump had already floated just the stepping down part, with no peace in sight—only prospecting rights. Trump couldn't stop the "we're winning train" if he tried. Later it was reported that Trump was heard muttering "Fuck the egg prices at Denny's and go buy some Tesla stock." This is unconfirmed.
Meanwhile, Putin is All Smiles (And Possibly Applying for a Mining License)
In Moscow, Russian President Vladimir Putin was reportedly seen sipping vodka laced tea, nodding approvingly at Trump’s remarks. “You see? Even America’s guy thinks Zelenskyy should just walk away,” he allegedly told an aide. “Tell the bot farms to start pushing ‘Zelenskyy Resigns = Free Tesla for Everyone’ memes.”
Back in the U.S., political fake news pundits scrambled to make sense of Trump’s latest foreign policy stance. “It’s unclear if he actually supports Russia, or if he’s just angling for a new business venture,” said one expert. “But one thing is certain: if Trump were in charge, he’d solve the Ukraine crisis the same way he solved his money pit casinos—by running it into the ground and blaming someone else, yet somehow making it a huge win for everyone.”
As for Zelenskyy, he remains undeterred. “I have survived Russian missiles, assassination attempts, and Sean Penn documentaries,” he said. “I think I’ll be okay.” "Speaking of Sean Penn and proper concealer, I will mention to Trump to ship be best bronzer to Sean as his skin looks like hell."
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