10 Undeniable Signs That Donald Trump is a Dictator (But With Worse Makeup)
Let’s be honest—Donald Trump has always fancied himself as more of a supreme leader than a mere president. But unlike actual dictators, he lacks the discipline, the self-awareness, and, most crucially, the ability to apply bronzer in a way that doesn’t make him look like a half-melted cheddar cheese sandwich. Here are 10 signs that Trump is, in fact, a wannabe dictator who missed the “competence” memo.
1. His Face is Literally Orange (And Not in a Fun, Halloween Way)
A true dictator maintains an air of intimidation—Stalin’s icy glare, Mussolini’s rigid jawline, Kim Jong-un’s… well, whatever that is. Trump’s signature look, however, is "clown who got into a fight with a self-tanner bottle." The streaks are so bad they should be classified as a national security threat. If he can’t even control his own foundation shade, how can he lead the most powerful country in the world?
2. Melania Clearly Hates Him (And Won’t Hold His Hand)
Dictators usually demand absolute loyalty, even from their spouses. But Melania’s "I’d rather be anywhere else" glare and her habit of swatting away Trump’s hand like an annoying fly suggest she’s less "devoted first lady" and more "hostage negotiating her escape." Even his own wife can’t fake enthusiasm—what does that say about his leadership?
3. His Kids Are Scared of Him (But Also Enable Him)
Ivanka and Don Jr. may smile on cue, but you can see the terror in their eyes—like hostages forced to praise their captor. Eric is just… there. Meanwhile, Trump openly pits them against each other, because nothing says "loving father" like treating your children like competing Apprentice contestants.
4. He’s Never Lost a Golf Game (Because He Cheats)
A dictator doesn’t accept defeat—ever. Trump famously claims to have won club championships he didn’t even enter, lies about his handicap, and reportedly moves his ball when no one’s looking. If he’s willing to rig a leisure activity, imagine what he’d do to an election. Oh, wait…
5. His Cabinet is a Circus of Sycophants and Incompetents
Every dictator needs a cabinet of terrified yes-men, and Trump’s is a masterclass in incessant bootlicking. From little Marco's and Howie Lutnick's shameless flattery to Kristi Noem's cosplay around the globe, all actions scream "kiss my ass the right way, and you will be noticed and ascend the ladder of power and favoritism.
6. He Thinks the Military is His Personal Fan Club
Nothing says "authoritarian" like demanding soldiers salute you, obsessing over military parades, and calling fallen troops "losers." Trump’s relationship with the armed forces is less "commander-in-chief" and more "kid playing with toy soldiers." His second term bump up is extorting our allies with the promise of protection that no one now believes the US will deliver. Exhibit A: See Trump "negotiating" with Ukraine. And Trump's broken promise to have the Ukraine/Russia conflict resolved before he took office. Still waiting....
7. He Fires Anyone Who Disagrees With Him (Even If They’re Right)
A hallmark of dictatorship? Surrounding yourself with people too scared to tell you the truth. Trump cycles through staff like a reality show casting call, firing anyone who dares contradict him—even when facts are the thing contradicting him. In his second term there is no need to fire as all cabinet sycophants' are expected to self-immolate when Trump gives the signal.
8. He Calls the Media “The Enemy of the People” (Because They Point Out He Lies)
Every dictator needs a scapegoat, and for Trump, it was the free press. He didn’t just criticize coverage—he called journalists "the enemy," encouraged violence against them, and floated the idea of "licensing" them. Because nothing says "democracy" like state-controlled media. Hey Fox News, this means YOU.
9. He Thinks He Should Get a Third Term (Because Rules Don’t Apply to Him)
Forget norms—Trump openly mused about staying in office beyond two terms, because in his mind, he’s the only one who can fix things (despite, you know, not fixing things). If he had his way, we’d be stuck with his bad tan and worse policies forever.
10. He Tried to Overturn an Election (And Still Lies About It)
The ultimate dictator move: refusing to accept defeat. Trump’s Big Lie wasn’t just whining—it was a deliberate, months-long campaign to undermine democracy, pressure officials, destroy election integrity and incite a violent mob. And he’s still at it, because admitting loss is for "losers."
11. Bonus: Making legal US residents disappear to a foreign gulag, then meeting with that foreign dictator to publicly agree that the plan is "working as designed."
Could you be next? Of course you could you silly MAGA numbskull. And if you are openly not a fan of the Trump regime, then you are probably at the top of some Trump cultist's list to be purged. This is going to be fun... sort of like musical chairs with dire mortal consequences!
Most dictators at least have the decency to be effective tyrants. Trump? He’s more like a "wish.com" authoritarian—all the ego, none of the competence. The bronzer is streaky, the loyalty is forced, and the only thing he’s successfully destroyed to this point is the US markets, the economy, our reputation on the world stage, and the respect and loyalty of our foreign allies.
So yes, he wants to be a dictator. But thankfully, he’s just really bad at it.
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