Trump’s Dictator Playdate and the Art of Disappearing Americans (All While Looking Like a Half-Melted Cheeto)

 

In this photo, Nayib Bukele (not to be confused with Bukake) adores POTUS's little white dictator fist pumps. Its hard to imagine what someone else is thinking, but by his posture and the look in his eyes, we think Bukele is thinking with boundless adoration... "Yes! That is exactly what you would be doing all day in our Gulag, two at a time, and all day until your pretty little white mits fell off". My lord you are a bronzed sexy beast.

Oh, what a time to be alive! Just when you thought the Trump Show couldn’t get any more dystopian, our favorite spray-tanned strongman wannabe has been spotted swapping authoritarian tips with El Salvador’s Nayib Bukele—a man who turned his country into a real-life episode of Black Mirror by throwing thousands into prisons without due process. And guess what? Trump thinks it’s fascinating.

That’s right, folks. While the rest of us were worrying about boring old civil liberties, Trump was taking notes like a starstruck fanboy at a dictator convention. “Wow, you just grab people? No lawyers? No pesky ‘evidence’? Genius!” Next thing you know, he’ll be suggesting we build luxury prisons at Mar-a-Lago—Trump Tower Gulag, now with a golf discount!

But let’s not pretend this is surprising. Trump has always had a hard-on for strongmen—Putin, Kim Jong Un, Erdogan—if they’ve got a tight grip on power and a loose relationship with human rights, he’s swooning like a teen at a BTS concert. And now, fresh off his latest legal circus (featuring more indictments than a mob boss’s memoir), he’s openly musing about doing the same thing here. Because nothing says “Land of the Free” like rounding up citizens because some MAGA lackey had a hunch.  What could go wrong?

The Vanity of Tyranny

Of course, beneath all this lurks the real driving force of Trump’s existence: his bottomless, galaxy-sized vanity. This is a man who spends more time on his hair than most people do on their taxes—a delicate, gravity-defying soufflé of bleach and despair. A man whose tanning routine is less “presidential” and more “abandoned traffic cone.” A man who once tried to literally sharpie a weather map because his ego couldn’t handle being wrong.

And yet, despite all the clownish preening, he’s dead serious about one thing: power. Not to help people, not to lead, but to feed the black hole of his narcissism. He doesn’t care about the families torn apart by his policies, the kids in cages, the protesters disappeared into unmarked vans. To him, suffering is just set dressing for his grand, self-aggrandizing drama.

Welcome to Trumpistan, Where Rights Are Optional

Now, he’s floating the idea that even American citizens aren’t safe from his deportation fantasies. That’s right—your citizenship? Your constitutional protections? Meaningless if a Trump-appointed goon decides you’re “probably” up to no good. Due process? More like “do what I say, or else.”

Imagine it: You’re sipping a latte, minding your business, when suddenly—BAM!—you’re bundled into a van because some MAGA troll on Truth Social thought your “vibes were suspicious.” Next stop? A detention center run by a bankrupt Trump crony, where the only reading material is a dog-eared copy of Art of the Deal and the walls smell of expired bronzer. They check you for tattoo's, and if your fortunate to have the "Christian" tattoo's like Pete Hegsdeath, you may get a phone call and a diet coke, if not its off to the Salvadorian gulag for you.

The Conman Always Reveals Himself

At the end of the day, Trump’s entire existence is a grift wrapped in a scam, dipped in hairspray. He doesn’t believe in democracy, he doesn’t care about justice, and he sure as hell doesn’t give a damn about you. He just wants applause, adoration, and the ability to punish anyone who ever laughed at him.

So buckle up, America. If Trump gets his way, the only thing “inalienable” about your rights will be how quickly they can be alienated by a man who can’t even admit he lost an election or a round of golf for that matter.

Final Thought: If Trump loves Bukele’s policies so much, maybe he should move to El Salvador. Oh wait—they actually jail corrupt leaders there. Never mind.

[Mic drop, followed by the distant sound of a Trump tweet exploding into incoherent rage.]

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TL;DR: Trump is taking notes from dictators, wants to disappear Americans on a whim, and all of it is just another sad attempt to fill the void where his soul should be. Also, his hair is a crime against nature.** The above is just for laughs... also tears work.